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I love agony aunt columns. Well at least those that give good practical advice. Dear Prudence in slate.com is one such. Recently I came across one writer who was worried about not finding enough men because she was too plain. She didn’t want to dress up well because she thought that would make her look desperate as, she felt, nothing would make her look attractive. This is the 21st century people. Why does it still matter what we look like? And why does it affect our sense of attractiveness and being wanted so much that it makes us unhappy?

Teenage years in college and later in university were trying years. Girls and boys everywhere were trying to look more attractive not according to their given body forms but according to what was constantly being shown to them in cinemas, or on hoardings. I even had classmates wanting to catch potentially fatal diseases like hepatitis just because another classmate had lost 20 pounds after contracting it! And now, everyone wants to be a Size Zero.

Yes, the modelling industry is slowly trying to change itself. Big fashion houses have been trying to get larger sized models to display their clothes. But the change is slow and not widespread enough. For the images we created for ourselves have ingrained themselves into our psyches. If you are a woman you have to be thin and hairless. A man has to have a six-pack.

I remember reading about a girl in India who killed herself because her male classmate gave her a razor for her birthday. She apparently had a moustache. And there are enough and more women who have starved themselves to death, become anorexic, in an attempt to look “attractive”.

At a time when people are trying to get healthier and eating better, it is unbelievable that we can let images dictate our lives. As one of my acting teachers once said, we cannot change the shape of our bodies. We can tone it, we can keep it healthy, and that is a good thing. It is when we refuse to accept what we have and want to become someone else that the problems start.

Women have that constantly with the size of their breasts. You are not womanly enough if you have an A or a B cup. Men face it with the size of their penises. I even know of a man who refused to give pleasure to a woman because he was worried he couldn’t. He was small in size and unhappy about it. His way was to avoid getting into sexual relations or, if he did, just ensure he could achieve some pleasure himself. If he couldn’t give pleasure with his penis, it was not his problem but hers. He wouldn’t try to look at alternative ways of giving pleasure.

But you can only get pleasure if you are open and willing to learn. Feeling content in your physicality and feeling attractive is a function of how you groom yourself in your own way. After all individuality in dressing is something we all like. Keeping yourself healthy and having a smile on your face is mostly what it takes. And maybe a good makeup artist, as Dear Prudence advised the writer on the website.